Over the course of my career, I have worked with many clients who have developed a negative relationship with food and eating. This not only decreases their quality of life, but makes it much more difficult for them to meet their nutritional goals.
What does it mean to have a negative relationship with food? To put it simply, it means you have started to view food as the enemy, and eating becomes an action that causes physical pain, emotional distress, or weight problems. Sometimes this is a result of chronic dieting. Other times it is due to illness or trauma. Sometimes it is even due to verbal abuse from others. Whatever the cause, often emotions become intertwined with the eating process, which complicates things further. Once people start associating negative emotions with eating, it becomes very difficult to reverse. In some instances, it warrants counseling from a qualified professional.
There’s another way to develop a negative relationship with food, too. Once a person’s relationship between food and emotions become intertwined, it becomes very easy for eating to become a method of coping. In some instances, when people feel out of control in their personal or professional lives, they find that strictly controlling what they eat is a way to make them feel more in control. For others, they have learned that eating specific foods makes them feel less depressed, so when they are feeling down, they find themselves turning to food to feel better. (Eating actually can affect the brain chemistry, so there is a physiological reason why people do this. More on this in an upcoming blog post.) No matter what the reason, using food to cope is never a good thing, because it creates a vicious cycle that is difficult to stop.
You see, it’s easy to use food to ease or dampen unpleasant emotions, but that doesn’t actually solve the root problem that caused those emotions in the first place. And that’s when we develop a negative relationship with food. We eat (or don’t eat) to feel better, and then blame food when it doesn’t solve our problems or actually makes them worse. As time goes on, our relationship with food gradually becomes worse and worse. This is why people often need counseling to help them work through the emotions related to eating, and to learn healthier methods of coping. If you are to a point that you need professional counseling, do not feel bad about it. It’s simply a challenge that needs to be overcome – and life is full of challenges! So please don’t let anything stop you from getting the help you need.
This article is not intended to fix complicated relationships with food, but simply to help you possibly start viewing food and eating in a way that maybe you hadn’t in the past. I’m hoping that some of these ideas will help you to start seeing food in a different light, which is often the beginning of the road to a healthier and happier life overall. (There’s a reason why my company slogan is Better nutrition for a better life! It’s not just catchy – it’s true.)
There have been points in my own life when I started to develop a negative relationship with food due to illness or other trauma. If it hadn’t been for my training as a dietitian, I cringe to think about what the consequences would have been. Sometimes I still have to work hard to keep my relationship with food healthy, but I know that it’s worth the effort. This is a topic that is very personal to me, so please understand that the point of this post is to help others, not to shame anyone. Everyone has their own journey with eating, and whatever feelings people experience are not to be disregarded, undermined, or used for bullying.
With that said, here are a few steps you can take to create (or maintain) a healthy relationship with food:
- Remember that food is fuel. The purpose of eating is provide our body with the energy and nutrients it needs to function properly. Before you eat, it could be valuable to stop and ask yourself a couple questions:
- Why am I eating this? Is it for emotional reasons, or because my body actually needs food?
- Will what I am about to eat help my body function better?
If you find you want to eat for emotional reasons, then it’s a good time to stop yourself and find a better method of coping.
- Avoid categorizing foods as “good” or “bad”. As humans, we love to categorize things. Safe vs. unsafe, happy vs. sad, tasty vs. yucky. It’s a way for us to distinguish things that we should seek out or avoid. The problem is that food isn’t so black and white. All foods are different and have a unique nutrient composition. Some foods are more nutrient-dense, meaning they are packed with more good nutrients relative to the amount of energy they provide. Some foods are less nutrient-dense, meaning they provide quite a bit of energy, but very little else. That doesn’t mean one food is “good” and another is “bad”. It just means the most nutrient-dense foods should be consumed the most frequently because they will provide our body with the vitamins, minerals, and fiber it needs to function well. Labeling food as “bad” has a negative connotation, which is what leads people to feel guilty about what they eat. If you are fueling your body well, there is no reason to feel guilty about eating. If you ever have questions about how to identify which foods are nutrient-dense and which aren’t, feel free to contact me and I can teach you more.
- Listen to what your body is telling you. This can be confusing for people because sometimes they think their body is telling them something, but in reality, it is their emotions or their mind trying to drive their actions. If you pay close attention, your body will tell you when you really do need food and when you need to stop eating. (There are conditions in which these natural cues can become altered, so if you suspect that to be the case, consulting with a registered dietitian can help you figure out what’s going on.) Children are very good about respecting their bodies until adults teach them not to. If children are left to determine how much to eat, they generally will not overeat. So why do adults do this? Because they have learned to eat for emotional reasons, social reasons, chemical addiction, or for sake of time. Practicing mindful eating can help you get back to eating for the correct reasons, which again, helps to remove the guilt from eating.
- Avoid creating forbidden foods. I frequently overhear people saying, “That looks so good, but it isn’t on my diet.” It makes me feel sad because they are preventing themselves from having some of the foods they enjoy most in this world, when in reality that deprivation isn’t necessary or I know that if I tell myself I can’t have something, it just makes me want it more. For example, cinnamon rolls are one of my very favorite foods. I also recognize that it isn’t the most nutrient-dense food that I could consume, so I don’t go out of my way to make or buy them often, but if someone offers me one and I feel in the mood for it, I eat it. I never feel deprived, so if I am not in the mood for it, or if I am simply not hungry, I can turn it down or save it for later when I am. If I told myself I was never going to eat cinnamon rolls again that would last maybe one day, and then I would be finding myself a nice gooey roll.The good news is that it is possible to eat foods you love and still enjoy them – you just have to do it within reason. Anyone seen the new Weight Watchers commercial? It has Oprah talking about her love affair with bread, and how she didn’t let herself eat it for a long time, and how happy she is now that she can eat bread. The key is that you don’t need Weight Watchers to gain that kind of freedom, just a healthy relationship with food, and the development of healthy eating habits. People usually create “forbidden foods” because they label them as “bad” for various reasons. Again, it makes it seem like food is the enemy, which it is not. For those of you that saw Finding Nemo…you saw how well the “forbidden food” idea worked for the sharks.
- Avoid using food as a reward. This is a very temping thing to do, but I strongly encourage separating food and rewards. Once you start rewarding yourself (or your kids) with food, it then connects food and feelings, which as I talked about previously, is never a good thing. It may seem innocent at first glance; after all, when you do something good, it’s only to go out for ice cream. But what happens if you don’t meet your goal? Now, not only do you feel bad about not meeting your goal, but you’re forced to deny yourself the ice cream you were so looking forward to. How do you feel about ice cream now? Personally, I would probably feel resentful.Or do you give in and eat the ice cream anyway to make yourself feel better? Either way, you have connected another emotion with food—a negative one. You now also know that when you feel bad, you can make yourself feel better by eating ice cream.Let’s look at this from the eyes of a child. Imagine are potty-training your 2-year old girl, Sally. (I have highlighted all the emotions in red). You tell her that she can have a piece of candy every time she uses the potty. So the first time Sally use the potty, you both get all excited, and you give her the candy. She is happy. But the story doesn’t end there. Next time she sits down and tries to go, but she can’t quite do it. So you have to tell her that she doesn’t get a candy. She feels terrible and looks up at you with those big sad eyes and starts crying. Now she feels deprived of the candy that she was looking forward to soooo much. Do you give in and reward Sally with the candy anyway, “for effort”? If so, now Sally knows that she can get a reward whether she performs the task or not, and she associates food with a feeling of success or failure. She only gets candy when she “succeeds” and becomes deprived when she fails. See how many emotions can become connected with eating? Do you see how this can become dangerous really fast? Many of the serious problems people have with food first developed as a result of this very issue. Now, I am not saying that positive reinforcement can’t be a good tool – it just shouldn’t involve food. Remember, food is fuel, not a reward or a punishment.
Now, if you have done this sort of thing with your kids, don’t feel bad! I myself I have done it without really thinking about it. It’s simply something to be aware of, and a way that you can help your children – and yourself – develop a positive, healthy relationship with food.
These steps alone won’t solve or prevent all issues with food relationships, but they will help. Even if you have spent your entire life looking at food as the enemy, it isn’t too late to try to see it from a different perspective. It’s also never too late to get some professional help if needed. Having a healthy relationship with food can significantly improve your overall happiness and well-being, and is a goal worth striving for.
As always, if you would like a little help with your journey, I would love to work with you. I understand the struggle and want to be of assistance. From diet analyses to personalized meal planning to grocery store tours, I can help you create a plan that will enable you to reach your health and weight goals while simultaneously developing a more positive relationship with food – without having to give up the foods you like best! Give me a call at 801-815-7301 or email me at gingerbaileyrd@gmail.com to learn more.
In the meantime, happy (and healthy) eating!